To "keep the faith, finish the race".

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react

I've been sighing so much recently. Perhaps I still do have a lot to learn about what love really is after all. The future has worried me for a long time, and continues to worry me a lot nowadays. But I figure it's not too healthy to be wanting to know everything that is going to happen in the future; where would all the rich experiences that can only spring from venturing into the unknown come from then?

An old superstition goes that every single time you let out a deep sigh, your life span shortens by 3 years. If that holds true, I'm going to die much earlier than I initially imagined to at the rate I've been sighing. Oh dear. Must stop sighing!

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." - Neil Gaiman

I surprised myself this year. I met wonderful people whom I won't forget for the rest of my life, did many things that not just anybody could have had the opportunity to do, had many firsts, loved. I hope I do so in 2010 as well. Happy new year everybody, here we go again!

It's 2am in the morning and I really should be sleeping. I have a ton of things to complete tomorrow. However I am still awake attempting to consolidate my thoughts into this report that the school expects me to produce about my internship, entailing whatever I'm supposed to have learnt from it. I'm wasting even more time by typing this. The truth is that the requirements for the report, while adequately (extremely actually) informative and technical, hardly encapsulate most of the key things from the firm which I truly value and hold close to my heart, so it has become doubly hard to write.

I can't write about all the conversations we had in the car, on the way to court, over countless meals, and across the desk in the office, but they are what mattered most to me. Until today the conversations still replay in my head.

Maybe I'm just lazy. Also, I don't think any educator would advocate reporting writing at 2am in the morning. I don't think your brain works very well at this time. Hopefully I will find that the requirements are extremely inspirational tomorrow morning and a rush of purpose will fill me. There is also the problem of time constraint. Serves me right for not starting early!

It's been so rainy the entire day and I effectively spent most of today alone. I enjoy solitude once in awhile, but because it's rainy, I now cannot wait for Christmas because there'll be a huge feast, warmth, laughter and happiness like there is every year at my aunt's, and I come home after that feeling all tingly, content, thankful, bursting with unspoken gratitude. I hope we do that this year once again. I miss family, security, and the feeling of knowing that come what may they will always be there.

I am abandoning my report and going to sleep now. Goodnight!

My last school semester in Temasek Polytechnic begins on Monday, because all too soon, my 3 month internship with M/s M & N drew to a close this week. "Expect the unexpected" has been the story of my life and the closure of this chapter this past Thursday will simply be another addition to that mantra. I will always be thankful that I sent that email on a whim, that everywhere else sent me a rejection email, and that I never got any other offer from any other firm/company save for this one, however ironic that may seem to be.

Few places accept people the exact way they are, and I am lucky to have chanced upon such a place. I met people who restored my belief in the many things which I have long forgotten and given up on, met people who affirmed the things I currently believe in, and met people who didn't scoff at my ideals. These very same people took time off their extremely hectic lives to invest in mine, held my hand, made these 3 months a turning point in my life, and told me to "chase your dream". It has not been without some dark periods, but the light that comes after more than makes up for any momentary eclipse. I take away as much as I have given, and I cannot put into words how much comfort and warmth these 3 months have provided me with.

Good things truly do come in small packages after all.

In the face of death, all my problems and worries of the present are as always, diminished to the littlest of importance. Rest in peace my friend, for you have run a tough race, fought the good fight, and now it's time to rest for eternity.

...& sometimes you just need to persevere lah, hmmm?" are some simple words of wisdom my mentor has chosen to bestow upon me so far. Howdy everybody, internship officially started a few days ago, on the 9th of September 2009... and the only thing i have to say about it right now & have chosen to believe to date, as Albus Dumbledore so aptly articulated in Harry Potter (or rather, J.K. Rowling);

"It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices."